FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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