...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
