i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
