shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
