Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
50% drunk capacity currently
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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