I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize