I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
