Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
