We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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