Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
