you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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