I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
