would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
