Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
