u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize