that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
