you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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