i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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