i permit you to call me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
