Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
