They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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