don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
