she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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