Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
