I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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