Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
