if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
