He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize