Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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