My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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