im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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