Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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