What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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