the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
