Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dignity is for republicans.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize