He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
