I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
