It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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