well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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