Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
