im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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