i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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