she smelled like a LAN party
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize