the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
