I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His nipple licking is glorious
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