If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
Randomize