Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize