I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
