Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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