I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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