Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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