Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
