i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
