i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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