They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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