Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I skipped work to stalk him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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