And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
