I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
