I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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