i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
