you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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