The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
