did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
