I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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