im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
