i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize