ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
