The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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