my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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