I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
