i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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