We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
