she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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