so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
