Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
