WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize