swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
