Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
