When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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