I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
