I bet he comes in French.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
