Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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