she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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