Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
