I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
