I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
