i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
